


That's What You Think

by CaptainKyburz



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Heteronormativity Fail, Humor, M/M, No Angst, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Prompt Fill, Team Bonding, Villain Fail, this is really just mindless fluff, written for a prompt on stevebucky_fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 23:11:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1796794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainKyburz/pseuds/CaptainKyburz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this prompt on stevebucky_fest:</p><p>"<i>A villain captures Steve and does the whole "muah hah hah, I have captured the Black Widow's lover, and now my evil plot is unstoppable!" routine. </i></p><p> <i>Bucky: "That's not Black Widow's lover."</i><br/><i>Natasha: "Idiot."</i></p><p> <i>Oops! Hilarity ensues, although not for the villain. And by "hilarity," I mean ass-kicking. </i>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's What You Think

**Author's Note:**

> As said in the summary, this was written for the "Heteronormative Villain Fail" prompt which you can find [here](http://stevebucky-fest.dreamwidth.org/307.html?thread=996659).
> 
>  **EDIT:** As of Nov. 2nd, 2015, I have made a few edits to spelling and grammar errors in the story. The plot has not changed.

Steve groans at the bright light glaring in his eyes and the pounding in his head. He lies still for a moment, trying to assess his situation. His wrists are bound above his head, and his feet are cuffed as well. Tugging on the cuffs, he can feel that they're strong enough to hold a super soldier; whoever captured him knows who and what they’re dealing with.

Realizing that he won’t get out of his chains any time soon, Steve turns his attention to the rest of the room. It's a large, empty lab, and across from the wall he is bound to there is a huge gun-like device. His shield rests on a table across the room, along with a black box and various metallic instruments that shine in the light.

Now, Steve needs to figure out how he got here. The last thing he remembers is SHIELD sending out him, Bucky, and Natasha to investigate intelligence that a Russian terrorist group was working out of an old HYDRA base and take down the operation if necessary. They had landed and split up to search the three main buildings. Steve had searched his entire building and found it empty, then radioed his findings back to Bucky and Nat. He remembers hearing a thud, almost too soft for even his super-soldier hearing to perceive, then sharp pain in his shoulder and nothing more.

So, they drugged him. That means whoever has him (probably the Russian terrorists) want him alive for some reason. But why? Ransom, maybe, or—

“Greetings, Captain Rogers.” A voice startles Steve out of his thoughts. It sounds male, with a heavy Russian accent, which means his guess that the terrorists have him is probably correct. “I am Doctor Alexsandr Volkov, leader of the Winter Storm. Where HYDRA has failed we will rise in its place, and after reclaiming the greatest tools of its fallen empire, we will rule the world.”

Volkov finally enters the room, and Steve can see that he is tall, with dark hair and sharp, intelligent eyes. “Why tell me all this?” Steve asks. He needs to keep Volkov talking until Bucky and Natasha, or their backup, can arrive. He also wants to know what ‘reclaiming HYDRA’s tools’ means. It sounds a little too much like recapturing the Winter Soldier for Steve’s tastes.

Volkov laughs. “Oh, Captain, don’t you see? You are the key to our success. With the great Captain America in our hands, we can force the Black Widow to return to us!” Steve must have a very confused expression on his face, because Volkov laughs again. 

“Oh, you thought you could fool us, did you? That we would believe she was cold? Heartless? We know of your… relationship. Her lover will be her great demise!”

It’s all Steve can do not burst out laughing. And he had thought this 'Winter Storm' was intelligent! They thought he… and Natasha? It was almost too ridiculous to be true.

Two men wheeling in a chair with Natasha strapped to it cuts his mirth short. She appears unconscious, but Steve can see the tension in her muscles. Like always, the Black Widow is simply waiting for an opportunity to strike.

Unfortunately, Volkov can see it too. Steve watches as he lightly pats her cheek, the way someone would caress a favorite pet. It’s sickening. Natasha eyes him with cold fury, and jerks her head to try and bite his fingers.

“As I was saying. Black Widow, surrender and return to your masters, and the Motherland, for reprogramming, and we will return your lover safely to his little Avengers. If you refuse, we have… other ways to take care of him. Ways that are far more painful, and rather unpleasant to watch.” Volkov’s threat hangs in the air, and Natasha tilts her head as though she is considering his proposition.

Finally, she lifts her head in order to glare directly at Volkov. “I have to say, your plan is impressive…” she trails off, and he leans in eagerly, “but Captain America isn’t _my_ lover.”

Three things happen in a fraction of a second. First, the door explodes inward, and two shots take out the guards behind Natasha. Second, she twists in the chair and it topples sideways, the restraints shattering so she can scramble free. Third, Bucky follows the shots through the door and strides up to Volkov in all his fearsome Winter Soldier glory.

“He’s mine,” Bucky growls, and Volkov’s eyes go wide before Natasha knocks him out with a metal chunk from the chair she had been trapped in.

“Idiot,” she spits.

Bucky grabs the key ring off of Volkov’s belt, and walks over to Steve to unlock his restraints. Bucky lays a comforting arm around Steve’s shoulders as he helps him out. “I had him right where I wanted him,” Steve says, and Bucky laughs.

“Of course you did, punk. Now come on, SHIELD is gonna be here any minute to pick us up.”

Steve leans in to plant a soft kiss on Bucky’s lips. “Love you,” he whispers with a smile.

“He’s right, a transport for us and a cleanup team is on its way.” Natasha chooses that exact moment to stride over and thrust Steve’s shield into his arms. Somehow, she's also managed to find her own gear and weapons, and is staring at them with a raised eyebrow. “You two are sickening.”

Bucky throws her a wink as they walk out the door. “You love us.”

She rolls her eyes. “I don’t know how they could possibly think Steve and I would be together.”

Steve shrugs. “Me neither. That thing from the mall, maybe?”

“The mall?” Bucky asks with a frown.

“In my defense, I didn't know you were alive at the time, and we needed a distraction,” Steve says.

“For SHIELD,” Natasha adds helpfully.

“But I thought I was your best guy,” Bucky whines in mock hurt, pouting.

Steve leans in close enough to plant a kiss on Bucky’s cheek. “You'll always be my best guy.”

“Love you, punk.”

“Jerk.”

“ _Idiots_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Visit me on tumblr to chat about two dorky nonagenarian boyfriends [here](http://ethaanhunt.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Comments give me life, so please tell me what you thought!


End file.
